if i could turn back time, i would have never done what i did. if i could, i would apologize, Hans, for whatever i did and if it means anything, i would like to be your friend again.
there are a million things i can think of doing now but yet, i'm here.
earth to bloggers; hello.
after all the pain endured; after all the tears shed; after all the hardship to overcome experienced and after all the time wasted thinking about it, i've finally realized or discovered the source of my pain. expressing it, makes this rock of pain feel like a pebble :)
i remember someone wise once told me: to overcome a problem, find the root of it. maybe the words he used were deeper. i dunno. but yeah, something similar.
being dumped has never been easy. especially when you're the one at the losing end. dumped, as in, by friends you really care about and really have put efforts into them. friends once vowed that we'd be friends forever and look what time has evolved us into.
if i could say this to you, i would say:
why did you think that way? that i'd leave everyone behind and go my own way. you know that only mattered to me. where else would i go if not with you? has it ever occured to you that i would die for you? that to me, you mattered THAT much. you were THAT MUCH a friend to me. and yet, you could abandon me with a click of your finger. have you forgotten that we made a pact? to go through it all together. i haven't forgotten. has lust gotten the best of you? you're not the girl i once knew and cherish or the girl whom i called my best friend. i don't know you anymore, stranger. i know one thing though, i really do miss you.
it's strange how time can change a person. how a person can change another person. how those two persons can put all the assumptions together and assume you the thief. assume you the bad guy.
it has grown to an extent where there's no turning back. and it looks like, you don't miss me at all. even if i had the chance now, i wouldn't know what to do. but, it's stupid. why i'm clinging on to this so desperately. why i'm putting myself through hell when you don't give a fuck shit. and thus, from today onwards, you will mean NOTHING to me as i mean nothing to you. you will be a mere piece of shit to me as that is what you assume me to be, i suppose. call me traitor, but you left me first. you changed first. you never once gave me the opportunity to voice out to this assumptions. how do you propose that makes me feel? to be caught red handed for something you didn't do. worst of worst, you said all those bullshit about me to my boyfriend. how do you think he would have felt? was your intention to make him leave me? smartass, aren't you?
call me a bitch, i really don't fucking care.
after thinking about it for so long, i realized i did the exact same thing to a friend too. why did i do it? i was too fucking blinded. it mattered to me that i had to please you. you know who you are. and if you happen to read this; fuck you.
if i could turn back time, i would have never done what i did. if i could, i would apologize, Hans, for whatever i did and if it means anything, i would like to be your friend again. we had our moment together. i loved your jokes and the way you make me laugh. though, you were a pervert, you were a true friend. to whatever that blinded me from seeing that, i'm a shithead for forgetting what meant the most; our friendship.
to learn is to realize your mistakes. to change is to start anew by amending those mistakes. or in my case, wipe those fucking tears away and rip off the scabs.
i want to change. for the better and for a new life without you and you. a life where you're a speck of dust or a piece of rubbish i'll step around or throw it into the rubbish bin.
earth to bloggers; goodbye.
f3
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