in her arms, i found home.
earth to bloggers: ni hao
whenever i look back into my childhood, focusing on the ugly side of my parents' divorce wasn't a good way to grow up. not only that, i also forgot about another important part of my childhood life or rather, another important person.
i remember her walking me to tuition when i was probably 4 or 5? or maybe even younger. then her legs began to fail and i too stopped tuition. i was a rebel. i was told i could sit in tuition for 2 hours and do nothing.
my house in Miri was near MegaHotel. just around the corner to it. she would hold my hand and we'd walk to the Servay building and again so i've been told, she would let me sit the bumper car for hours and spend about RM10 a day. do not forget! i was 4 or 5 or probably even younger.
there was this one time, my mother and father brought me to the old Servay building to shop and i got lost. this, i was about 4 (or less) years old. it was dark and so i ran home. i remember i was scared as i was running but in my head, i just wanted to see her. as she opened the door; in her arms, i found home. my mother spanked me for running away. i don't blame her, she was probably worried sick and that too was the first time i saw my mother cried.
again as so i was told, when i was a baby, small enough to be my in her arms, we were carjacked. i was in the backseat with her, my mom driving and my great grandmother in front. she was the person who held me tight and didn't let me go. so without her, i probably wouldn't be here, writing this here and now.
this wonderwoman, superwoman and inspiration is my grandmother. the mother to my mother. she is too, the reason why i'm a pampered child. she had always been there for me. always strong. always asking if i'm hungry or tired and is the person that celebrates my ever win, big or small.
all my life, i can honestly only remember her laughing, smiling, crying or mad. never in my life have i ever imagined a world without her; her sick, her weak or her dead. just last week, i got a big wake up call from god. not everyone lives forever and if you don't treasure them while they're around, you'll live with that regret for the rest of your life.
there was a point in time last week, i was so certain i was going to lose her. thinking about it, only made me cry like a sore loser. so then i decided, i was going to suck it in and go to the hospital and see her. on the way there, my mom was trying to keep every conversation light and allowed the space to cry once in a while. getting down the car was the hardest part. walking to her room was even harder. i promised myself to cry it all out in the car so that she wouldn't see me like this and lose the motivation to get better. just as i saw her lying on the hospital bed pass the curtains, all the hard work was all wasted. i held her hands and cried like a baby.
i wished, so bad that we were alone. there were so many things i wanted to say to her. things like, how life would be so meaningless without her. how she must get better for me. how she must be strong and watch me get married and have beautiful babies. i'm not asking for a lot. just a few more years. just hold on for a little longer. just for me.
as we speak, she's recovering well. i can't wait to see her again. :)
here's something random :P
if i had a boy, i'd name him Jayden Keanu _.
if i had a girl, i'd name her Keira Rosalie _.
:3
i'm not baby obssessed, just love the names :)
i love my wai po.
she's my biggest fan.
she's my life support.
she's my grandmother.
she's my home.
earth to bloggers: au revoir.
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