living in the society filled with kaypoh aunties, gossipy teens and on top of it all, stupid close minded people, life can be tough.
you can be good at this one thing, win this one medal or attend this one meeting and the next thing you know, half the town knows you. you get talked about, you get mocked at once you make a mistake and above all else, people want to know about you and make fun of you to make themselves feel better. from that, i guess we all now know why we spread rumours.
when you're good at something, you will automatically get noticed because of it. getting noticed means getting attention. it doesn't help that you're good looking either because that would mean girls would go googoogaagaa over you and dream about being mrs.you. and so from the transformation of being a bachelor to being not-available, what do you think the girls who go all droolsy over you have to say? what do you think they would say about your girlfriend to make themselves feel better? think about it.
in a place like where we live, our stupid dumbass closed minded society, all you gotta to do is be SLIGHTLY better than all the rest and instantly you will be called to represent here and represent there and la dee daa dee daa. for being known for what you do, you are automatically demanded to be perfect. in your case, or so you say, your standard is above all your other teammates. not that i would know, you guys are all the same to me. why would stupid close minded people talk bad about you? think about it. they're jealous of you. like DUH!
did i mention that it doesn't help that you're good looking? and that girls who can get hooked to you would obviously want the world to know about it? what if she was those type? why don't you doubt her? why point all the fingers at me?
the stupid thing about rumours is, they get worse and worse from one person to the other. as for me, i was never much of a rumour starter - i was more of the one to describe the rumour when someone tells someone else about it.
example:
starting of rumour: hey did you know she's dating this guy?
person 1 to person 2: hey did you know she's dating this guy coz shes despo for a replacement?
person 2 to person 3: hey i heard she's dating this guy coz she's a **** and he likes those type.
person 3 to person 4: hey this girl ah, my god, so cheap date this guy but nvm la, he playboy, will dump her one.
see what i mean? the fucked up thing about rumours is that, they aren't pretty and they never will be. they won't tell you how sweet something is or how nice someone is. they only tell you the exagerrated part. exagerrated and completely fake! so heck care about what people say about you? why get so worked up when you know that is not the case.
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU? GOD! if your family loves you, they will trust and believe you. WHY LET STUPID CLOSEMINDED AUNTIE GOSSIP GET IN THE WAY OF EVERYTHING? DON'T EVERYBODY KNOW AUNTIES ARE ALL LIKE THAT KAYPOH AND SPREAD RUMOURS ONE! GOD! >=O
i was silenced today for being suspected for spreading a completely false rumour. honestly, this is the first time this has happened to me and so far, i don't know how to react to it. worse yet, it involves people i care about, people i love. i still strongly stand my ground and say that i did not spread it. i would never call you a YOUKNOWWHAT and i would never call her a YOUKNOWWHAT so yeah. i have nothing but respect for you and i like her. truly, i like her. she was nice the first time we met and coming as a first impression, i sincerely liked her. so why would i want to spoil it for you? what reasons would i have to take happiness from you? you may not know this but i knew if rumours were to go around, they wouldn't have been pretty and today, i was right, they weren't close to pretty at all. i made mental preparations to keep this within my walls. if it was not going to be in the light, i was fully ready to guard this with my life. yet, you did not believe me when i say it wasn't me nor was it the people i love who spreaded it OR started it.
i'm tired and it's been a long day. as of right now, i am beginning to doubt everything that i have thought was right and maybe, they were all wrong. and i wonder, maybe i should jus sew my mouth so that nothing ever comes out of it ever again. it's like nothing i say is ever right. nothing i do is ever right or good enough for you. would it be better if i just disappeared. is that what you want? for us to disappear from your sight? not only me but me and my loved ones as well? is that what you really want? is this fucked up thing going to drive us down that road? i have a bad feeling it is going to happen. i may have never said this before but i loved you like family. i do - or maybe did was the better word to use. i have no feelings but fear for you now.
it's been a long day and i'm tired. though, like you, i'm sure i won't be able to sleep. i was silenced and accused for something i did not do. where do i go now?
after a long and tiring session of trying very hard to sing malay song due to my bad malay pronounciation, i have finally given up -_- i really don't see the point of going for it anymore. a part of me is ready for it, but another part is so freaking scared that i am going to embarass myself on stage. anyways, it's going to take a lot of consideration so till then, let's blog!
i was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day, i guess we were reflecting on my previous blog posts. apparently i don't like putting up names, at least until mr.tan came along :) i think i like the way it is. it doesn't expose too much of my life and no one will come back to me and haunt me saying that i backstabbed them or what toot. so i'm glad it's the way it is
i guess i have to apologize again for my previous blog post. but like i said, i am not going to remove it because i guess its physical prove that when i lose it, i really lose it. something i have to control if i ever want to get married, i guess. LOL. not funny :/
sometimes when i set resolutions for myself, i don't usually accomplish them in the end. this is one thing about myself that i'm not at all proud of. what i have decided to do is to print the resolution out and paste it on my pink wall, being physical prove that i can't do as i please all the time. that is very irresponsible.
i guess it's a suspense to know what my resolutions are. hehe -evil grin- sure, i don't mind listing them down here, i don't want to be haunted by msn spam nudges horh -_-
Resolutions to a "newer" whitney:
1) curse and swear less.
- i don't know why i've never realized that it's bad but the most important thing is, now i do. my other living inspector for this resolution is fe :P my personal smacker -twitch-
2) to be more facebook-active
- hmm, i don't know why i want this to be done either but yeah, i'm going to do it.
3) to smile more
- i guess when i walk on the streets, i'll come across as a b****, hahaha. i don't blame anyone for thinking that way. i won't deny that i don't smile as much as an average person do. i don't know why i'm so sensitive about smiling either but if i told you i was shy, would you believe it? ;)
4) to be more ok with vanity
- as a girl, i've always avoided as much as possible to be as LEAST vain as i could be. then again, i don't really know why i'm like that. i guess i'm afraid of being judged for wanting to act cute and all that. after thinking of it like that. what the hell is wrong with vaining? do i really care what other people think of me? yeah, not really.
5) secret
- haha, this one is to embarassing to reveal so ask me personally if you want to know ;)
speaking of vaining, yeah, i SHOULD be more ok with it. no, should is not the right word, i WANT to be more ok with it. i don't see anything wrong with it. so i'm going to be somehow more vain. HAHA. and most importantly, still try very hard to remain humble and the way i am right now :D
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i know lah i know lah, i'm not your average pretty girl. but who cares about what you think? ;)
perfected @ 1243.
whii.
imperfection @ 0200
whi.
i have an effing computer gce proj due tomorrow. it's currently 1.20am and i'm not even half way done. you know what, i don't bloody care.
i'm not okay with it. what's this EFFING it?! fuck it. i'm just not okay with it.
yeah sure, i'm a lady and i shouldn't be cursing and swearing. but my god i'm so angry that i just feel like smashing my head through the window before me right now. fuck it. i'm not okay with it.
yeah sure, i'm supposed to be ok with it. but god, i'm not. it's so fucking wrong and fine, maybe i'm overreacting but whatever, fuck it. i'm just not ok with it at all.
i thought i was being there enough. i thought i cared enough. i feel like smashing my fist into my bathroom mirror wall and let the glass slash my whole arm till i bleed so bad, i might have to cut it off. maybe even that would hurt less than the fucking pissed off feeling i'm feeling now.
you know what? WHAT THE HELL EVER.
ARGH. there are no words to express how i'm feeling right now. so why am i even trying so hard? HUH? fuck.
whatever.
whi.
ain't she a beauty? well i recently had a friend (name [as promised] will not be revealed (: ) who told me that he broke up with his 1andahalf year girlfriend over a pair of shoes. here's how it went down: they were walking around in a shopping mall and she saw these expensive pair of shoes she tried on but sadly hadn't the money to buy (yes, she NO MONEY. :P ). so although she didn't ask for it, he secretly decided to buy it and give it to her as their anniversary present. so anniversary day arrived and she opened her present and what do ya know, she started crying and stomped out of his place without taking her present. she didn't reply his calls and texts for the night and the first thing next morning, she told him over a voice mail saying that it was over. mind you, COMPLETELY CRUSHED HIM because he thought she was the one.honestly, i find it uber stupid that someone can be so superstitous but yet again, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. apparently if you buy your girlfriend/wife/stead a pair of shoes for any occasion, it means that the dude is going to break up with the dudette. honestly, i think my friend was just doing the girl a favor and i would probably love my boyfriend to death if he buys me anything that i like. it kind of goes to shows that he knows me and what i like. obviously in this case, that's not it -_- in case this happens to anyone of ma dudes out there, BEWARE! never buy shoes for girls. who knows, history like ma sad friend over here may repeat itself. this one's for you, dude (:
to a totally other random topic:
if you don't already know, i went back to sibu weeks ago for my greatgrandma's funeral and because i NO MONEY (hehe), i decided to ride with cuzzie and aunt to sibu from miri. on our way there, i saw this super random sign and LMAO. i never got to publish this anywhere else so here's it (:
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act cute voice: happy go lucky orhx~
god. eww -_-
perfected @ 1254
whi.
life will never be short of drama and from every death we encounter and cry over, we learn over and over again the hard way that - life is not to be taken lightly. when you lose someone you love, you mourn not because you can't bear to let them go but it's because of the mere fact that they'll never ever be in your presence physically ever again. that lesson, i recently learnt the hard way.
it's not like i havent been through deaths in a family. i lost my grandfather 6 years ago. i lost my step grandmother 3 years ago. this time around, i lost my great grandmother. they're always hard for me to live by and impossible to forget. just mere days ago, i saw greatgrandma for the second time in my life. before i could hope for a third, she was gone. they say that she left when no one was by her bedside. i guess we can all assume that she just didn't want us to go through the trauma of the line going flat. witnessing it and hearing about it later on is 2 completely different feelings. i've always been the latter.
it's amazing how when you're occupied with things, you have so many inspiration to write on this blog. well not you, but me. and now that i'm actually here, everything is like drifting away. which is quite lame la.
anyways i was blog surfing and i jumped to xif's blog. his recent post really got to me. expressing the things that i previously wanted to say during the loong-jac saga crap that i couldn't. well i guess my english is not pro enough lo. anyhow, i have his permission to some of his words here. to me, they are unidentified emotions that i were never ever able to put to words. and xif did it not intentionally on my behalf. thanks xif :)
Parts from Xif under post: The Unknown
"There are those who you just feeling like crying, because of the hurt and pain you feel from the heart. It makes you wonder why things ended up this way, it makes you feel helpless because it is like nothing you can ever do to patch everything back together.
There are those who makes you laugh foolishly at your own, telling yourself "what the hell was I thinking". Knowing that obsession blinds a person, but yet you don't stop yourself from falling in, until it is too deep that you hurt yourself hard, realizing that a part of you is broken and chipped off."
GOSH! i almost freaking cried.
anyways, as of right now, the blog feeling is gone and hence, i shan't continue because i guess whatever i write afterwards is going to sound like crap. i even began using la and lo on top. -_- ah wells :/
i am not afraid to admit my flaw. hate me for it, all you f*ing haters out there but i don't really f*ing care anymore.
perfected @ 1227.
whi.
it's that simple.
who doesn't, right?
i've always felt something was missing from my blog. the quietness of it bothered me, somehow. hence, i've added a song (:
great song. maybe some of you might disagree but ah wells, it's not gonna kill me.
i won't deny i've got a weird taste for songs. not all the songs i like, my friends like or vise versa. i'm just sort of over the EMO, SLIT, EMO, CRY, EMO, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS stage of teenagehood, i suppose. i still like slow sentimental songs but nowadays, i prefer dance songs like these or alternative rock. (PLEASE! no HSM3 or Camp Rock. -shudders-)
whenever i listen to this song, it makes me want to jump into the rain and just dance. toss and turn your head and just groove to the song with puddles under your feet splashing all over. mind you, in my imagination, i'm doing it alone (: i don't know if it gives you, my dear readers, the same feeling or not but for those of you who haven't heard this song, i hope it does (:
anyways, in my upcoming post, i will be introducing a woman i am obssessed with. omg? a woman? say what? :O {will update on this woman when all the other drama in my life is over}
stay tuned (:
perfected @ 0400 ( yeah people, friggin 4am! )
whi.
oh yeah. here's a super recent picture of me as requested by leo (:
HAHA! this was vain-ed at last wednesday preparing for sue's bash. sis was being her hairstylist-self and blew my hair for me. loved it. thanks sis! (:
