je vous vois.

If You're Not The One - Daniel BEDINGFIELD

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?

If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I'll never know what the future brings

But I know you're here with me now

We’ll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it,

I don’t understand

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?

If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?

If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?

If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my life(editted)?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true

We’ll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with

And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with

I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it,

I don’t understand

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today

‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right

And though I can’t be with you tonight

You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it,

I don’t understand

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am

Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

Dear Special Someone, tomorrow will be the 1st week i have been apart from you. as sad as it is, i missed you. cross that, i've missed you like crazy. time hasn't healed my pain and thus, i still cry in my room almost every night. i know you'd never bother reading this so that's why i bothered writing here. as strange as it is, that song makes me think about you all the time and i just can't get you outta my head. i know time will heal me and i'll be better in time. i know i deserve to smile even though i really love you. so here's to goodbye. goodbye special someone, goodbye. though i can't be with you, know my heart will always be by your side. your distance has maimed my life and you are not to be blamed. you're not to be blamed at all.

now, i'm guessing all of you are thinking: "but that song has nothing to do with the title? why

don't whitney just call it "if you're not the one" instead?"

correction! the good part is only coming. and if by now, you're already going to close this blog and stop reading because it's too freakin' long. man, i feel sorry for you.

remember at the beginning of this post, a special someone and a friend? the friend part is coming and yes, it has made everything worse in a good way.

firstly, i really don't know where to start and how to explain how my life has changed and revolved around this friend since beginning of this year. it's been a painful journey, a fun one at the same time. i thought i was in control, of everything between us. sadly, i thought wrong. what are you doing now? i don't know. what do you want from me? i don't know. what about me? what about what i want? what about what i need? what am i to you? these questions have been bothering me since a few months ago. just when i thought i knew you, i thought wrong. just when i thought i was getting there, i thought wrong. just when i thought i was important to you AT ALL, i thought wrong. just when i thought, you needed me, i thought wrong. just when i thought, i needed you, my mind... went blank. i actually found a song just now with the help of my mum. she played this song in the car while i was on my way home from training. just the song i needed and thus, it will be the song that will remind me of you whenever i hear it.

there are 2 versions to this song. phil collins and westlife. i personally love both of them but i'm sure you'd appreciate phil collin's version better as i believe the both of us don't like mariah carey even though she sounded really good in this particular song. :)

Against All Odds - Phil Collins

How can I just let you walk away,

just let you leave without a trace

When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh

You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave

Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry

There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face

Take a good look at me now, 'cos I'll still be standing here

And you coming back to me is against all odds

That's the chance I've got to take, oh

Just take a look at me now

dear friend, there's so many things i wanted to say to you. so many things i wished you would have seen. so many times i wished i'd been there for you. so many times i wished you would have just told me. so many details, left out. so many details, unspoken. so many many things. so many many coverups. so many many lies said. so many many things i wished i had done differently. so many many times i wished you were there. so many many times i regretted pushing you away. so many many times, jealousy corrupted me. so many many times, i felt as if i was nothing to you. so many many times, i missed you. so many many times, i wish i've never met you.

so many things, so many times, so many words, i don't know how to express. i don't know how to tell you without hurting you and that hurts me to see you hurt. so many things i don't know how to tell you and how you'd react to it and how our friendship, even though hanging on a thread might just break, anytime. what about what i want? what about what i need? what about me? what about me? what about me?

thus i've decided, to not linger on with these questions. let's just leave them unspoken and hidden away from the world. you people out there can continue guessing who this person is. you people out there, can continue try and convince me to tell you. you people out there, if you knew where i stand at all, you'd probably pity me.

dear friend, it is time i put a close sign to our personal lives and live professionally though i know it will pain me. thus, consideration of leaving is in progress and thus, i think this is best for all of us. i will put down my leadership and leave in peace. i will. i don't know when but i will soon. i hope.

dear friend, i'm sorry for ever hurting you. and right now, you'd probably be thinking that i am hurting myself at my own will. even if i am, that's for me to know and for you to try your best and find out.

dear friend, i don't know what else to say than goodbye because i'm so tired. it's so torturing for me not knowing what's going on in your head, in your life when you know almost everything about me. how can i hide this exposure from you? how will i resist you when you know i can't? whenever you come calling, i'm always there. the desperate one. seeking for true friendship when others have you on their line and you serving them. i have come to a point where i don't know what i am doing and what is stressing me every single day. i feel my hair falling like an old hag, trying to figure you out when i know there's no way you're gonna let me in because you already have two wonderful people who isn't fucked up like me to do that job for you. how will you be able to split yourself amongst us? thus, i've decided to step down and step away. i've decided to throw in the towel and leave as a loser. yes, i am a quitter and i am a loser and you, have every right to look down on me because i know, even if tears roll down my cheeks, you won't be able to see them and you won't be there to be the shoulders i go to anymore. today was it. today was it.

dear friend, i wish i could make you turn around, turn around and see me cry. there's so much i need to say to you, so many reasons why. you were the ONLY ONE who really knew me AT ALL. look at me now, i'm just an empty space. there's NOTHING left here to remind me, just a memory of your face. take a look at me now, as you coming back to me, is AGAINST ALL ODDS and that's a chance, i am no longer willing to take.

whitney. signing out.