je vous vois.

i always thought you could trust me. i thought I KNEW YOU! i thought YOU KNEW ME BETTER THAN THAT I WOULD HAVE LEAKED OUT YOUR SECRET! i thought, you understood THAT I WAS YOUR FRIEND.

dear bloggers. it hasn't been a good day. nothing is going right. i can't even maple. which made everything even worse. i believe i will be emo-ing a lot these few days. if you can't take it, feel free to never visit this blog again. hell fuck if i care.


the day started off with a very rough start. i had overslept again, forgetting that i promised my beloved friend, jac, that i would take care of the map. i felt like slapping myself in the face. then, it was time to go to church. singing practise sucked again. it wasn't them tho, it was me. i really suck. really i do.

later on in the evening, i discovered a secret. so dark, so disgusting that if i said it out, it would ruin all our lives. what am i to do now?

all this while, i always thought you could trust me. i thought I KNEW YOU! i thought YOU KNEW ME BETTER THAN THAT I WOULD HAVE LEAKED OUT YOUR SECRET! i thought, you understood THAT I WAS YOUR FRIEND.

i guess i thought wrong. you don't trust me like i thought you did. i guess i really don't know you. i guess YOU DON'T KNOW ME EITHER TO THINK THAT I WOULD HAVE JUDGE YOU BECAUSE OF THE SECRET. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I DO CARE FOR YOU.

YOU are my best friend. if not the, it's one of them. HOW COULD YOU HAVE HURT ME THIS WAY?! or, did i mau-mau want myself to be hurt. i guess if i confronted you about it, dat's what you'd tell me. i mau-mau.

i guess i'll be what you think i am. i will stop telling you things about myself. i'll stop seeking for you. i'll stop caring for you and your needs. i'll stop trusting you.

i'll avoid you, if that's what you want.

you have pierced my heart, so deep, it's punctured. how? how will i ever recover? i thought i meant something to you, if not a lot, a little did it. your secret has proven that i mean NOTHING to you. i AM nothing.

i'm here to let you know. i know your secret. you know who you are. thanks for being careless, and i'd like to really slap myself now for being busybody. kill myself, rather.

this pain, this bloody pain. i can't breathe. i just can't...



i'm sorry by the time you read this, it might hurt you. TRUST ME, thats one hundredth to what i am feeling now.


i'm hiding a secret. what am i to do now?