je vous vois.

whitney,
thank you very much for your kindness in lending me your (that something). i know i can sense that you dislike me, maybe after (that incident). well, still you care to lend a helping hand when i need one, so i really appreciate it and i'm touched. you know... i must admit that it is not easy to be friends with you at times but i don't hate you. i still treat you as a friend because i care for my friends and i remember all the good things they've done to me. it is our last year anyway. so yea... i hope we're friends =)
her name.

that was written to me a while ago. sure it wasn't a big deal but yet again, it's not like everyday that i lose a friend.

if i were to reply to you that day, friend, i think i would have been really mean. i would have not given a fuck and wrote all sort of things that were going to hit you like the bomb that sank japan.
today, i am proud and happy to say that i am somewhat of a different person. it may not be a big difference but i believe a little difference goes a long way - whatever that means.

i post this note up to remind me of you. sure, you may not be a very important person to me and vice versa but at least i'd remember you and all the things we've been through.
if i were to reply this letter today, gosh, i don't think i'd know where to start but hmm, i'll try nonetheless. forgive me if any of my words offend you. they are all my personal opinion and lol, it wouldn't matter because you might never visit my blog and you might never see this post anyways. so here we go!



dear friend,
like any friend in need, i would have been the first person to jump in and help. that has always been in me - whether you know that or not doesn't matter, whether i go overboard sometimes or not doesn't matter either. i like helping my friends, and i helped you. that sort of shows that you are my friend - even though sometimes i may not show it. nowadays, i try very hard to at least smile at you. i can't tell you why we're still not talking because mostly, it's my fault. i just don't want to get hurt again. hope you understand when that sentence is clear as day. i just don't want to dive back into that dark hole when i'm in such a happy place right now. i'm surrounded by family and people i love - my friends. i'm sick of arguments, backstabbing and talking bad or what not. i just don't want to go back there. ever. i hope you know that too, being your friend isn't easy. you're so close sometimes and i could never reach you. maybe i was trying too hard, i don't know. i just didn't appreciate our last moments together and i'm happy they're behind us. sometimes, i know you're really smart at all, it doesn't mean that gives you the right to talk low about someone else - people whom you should respect, especially. no matter who is backing you up, you should know that deep down inside, you should respect your friends and respect the people around you. and forgive me, stop acting like a bitch just because you're having a bad day. you once asked me, how did i do it all - friends, school and what not. i give you one piece of advice, life is a show. you put up an act all the time. i do and i know you can too. sometimes, you can't always be first. sometimes, YOU have to be the LAST person YOU should worry about because the people you love - your friends and family - should come first. truth be told, i really did try to be your friend. i just didn't have the patience, that's all. i'm sure you're well and surrounded by people who adore you in ways i couldn't. and i'm sorry we never turned out to be good friends like i thought, initially, we could. i'd like things to be kept this way - not having something to talk about gives me a peace of mind. wish you all the best for whatever you'll be doing in the future. and know that maybe in years to come, if we have the chance to ever meet again, i'll make sure i'll remember you, smile at you and tell my kids that you were one of the smartest people i knew and you were too, once, my friend.
regards,
whitney.

with that, i threw the note you wrote me away.