je vous vois.

this post, honestly, to me is freak hell traumatising -_- even looking for the pictures and choosing them almost killed me. but i thought it would still be a good idea for a post. so note to everyone out there: if you put any of these listed "THINGS" below in front of my face, i swear to god i will PUNCH the hell out of you! no joke :x

and then i'd prolly find a NICE BIG shoulder to cry on. sobsob.

i HATE !

i.e:

cicadas; when i first moved into kuala balai, THERE WERE TONNES OF THESE! always make me scream and shout. hate em! >:|


lizard; they ever drop on my shoulder and dress when i was sitting down before
HATE EM!
note: i know it's not a bug but whatevv! hate em hate em!


grasshopper; if you don't already know, my house area is quite forested and thus, much grasshoppers! big ones small ones green one blue ones black one cute ones!
whatever, hate em all >:/


flies; they're EVERYWHERE! hate em :(


spiders; there used to be one HUGE one in my ex-room, scared the shit hell outta me. searching for this pic was extreme stressful. go google.com and search "spider hell". find a pic with a HUGE spider and MILLIONS of smaller spiders behind it. FREAKING SCARY! don't believe? dare you to do it lor. just IMAGINE it in your ROOM! -shrieks-

last but not least, dragonfly; always got a lot in the freaking classroom. fly around ma head and make everyone else scream. hate em lor! >:(

super random post la even though i did spend time on it. but if you rally want me to rank which bug i hate most, here's it:

1. cicadas
2. lizards
3. spiders
4.dragonfly
5.grasshopper
6. houseflies

lol yeah that's bout it :D
phew. feel so relieve now :)



perfected @ 2211
whi.

this saga of books is a phenomenon in our teen, tween and even adult world today. the way Stephanie Meyer writes has captured the hearts of millions and i am, thankfully, one of the millions. it just fills your head with imaginations and daydreams. you find yourself unconsiously thinking about the scenes through your head over and over again. it's really an amazing saga, don't stop yourself from reading just because you may feel outdated or you see other people reading and you think it's lame or what what. just read it and you'll know why everyone is so hooked and why it's such a good book (Y).

i started reading Twilight around november, i suppose? a friend and relative of mine kept pushing me to read it. i'm not a big fan of buying books from bookstores. usually i would just borrow them from the library and read them once, get it over with and return them. i sort of found that prespective quite wrong later on in life after enjoying and owning really good books like Eragon Inheritance Cycle (can't wait for Book4!) and Harry Potter (sadly, i only own the last book) and My Sister's Keeper (refer to previous post). i really do hope i continue buying books and the funny thing is, i have found bookstores to be quite addictive too :x maybe it's because KB sucks and you don't really have a proper bookstore but whenever i get to go Miri or Bandar, i really want to spend forever in them. sadly, i don't have the time for that either. i believe in taking time to choose the right book that suits your genre. i'm more of a touching-FANTASY-adventure-mystery-ROMANCE-&-family type of book person. if you give me politics and statistics and engineering-for-dummies, you can prolly be in mental preparation to watch me burn them (:

but yes, i started reading Twilight in Nov during our confirmation camp (i'm sure most of you remember i had that book everywhere i went and secretly went and read it in between breaks :x) and i got hooked! i continued by buying book 3, eclipse (i escaped from the hotel just to get it and trust me, people, it was not easy being in a place where nobody knew this saga because it wasn't really that big of a hit yet.), because sadly, book 2, new moon was out of stock ): then i continued on to buying book 4, breaking dawn. towards the end after reading all 3 books, i still had no idea what happened in book2, new moon. didn't bother me though, i was just happy through all the "wind wind rain rain", edward, bella and renesmee lived happily ever after (:

i guess you can say book 2 was the last saga book i read and i found it the most boring out of the 4. it's still a nice book nevertheless, just not as interesting at the other 3. anyways, i didn't like twilight the movie (rob pattinson, you're still quite hot to me and it's because i think the book is better than the movie, as in many other cases), i have a feeling i'm going to really really like new moon The Movie. i'm hoping and praying for the best!

so, here are the posters i promised. i can't seem to really differenciate those which are fanmade and those that might be the real posters so just enjoy them anyways. if they are really fan made and they made it into this post, then prolly they're so good till i can't tell the diff la.

ENJOY, folks!

this one i feel is a little fan-made-ish. oh well, it's nice still (:

a little fan-made-ish as well? (:



-drools-

this is Jane, a vampire from Voluturi who has the gifts of causing illusions of pain. dakota fanning, ey?

bella looks (Y), i have a feeling other than sydney and ashley, kristen is going to be my next big threat :P

this is prolly sam, embry, quil, jared, paul? i don't know which is which :x



SUPER DOOPER DROOLS! -drools-
(note: he's looking more and more like steven strait, no?)

and that's about it from me, folks! hope i have somehow entertained you (:



perfected @ 0511 (yeah, no sleep tonight.)
whi.

‘I walked into this room filled with people. My conscience told me to pick and table and sit down. It felt like I knew them but yet, I couldn’t be sure. As I picked a table, I saw a girl in which I’ve never met before sitting in front of me, I confirmed I knew none of them. In my head, I was pondering about the appearance of my lover. I felt like this was the moment I was going to meet him. I felt my breathing grow faster; my heart skipping with joy.’

‘Being my usual self, I began to introduce myself. Telling everyone around the table my name and how old I was. Surprisingly, they seemed to know me. I, then, began asking questions about my lover. Just as I was in the middle of that particular conversation, I felt someone gave me a big hug from behind. It… how do I put this into words? Felt good. It was big and warm, although it lasted for only 2 seconds, it felt good. My lover said something to me in which I frankly don’t remember but I managed to catch a glimpse of his face. Sadly, I don’t remember that either. All I remembered was that he smelled good, he was tall and dark. Well, I can’t be completely sure about his height because I was still in the sitting position as he began to move away from me towards his friends. From what I could feel, I knew we were in a secure relationship. As he walked away, I felt myself smile from looking at his back and then began engaging myself back into the conversation I was having with the bunch of girls sitting before me.’

‘I began to feel my concentration focusing on his back rather than the conversation I was having with the girls. I guess it was those silly little girl crushes where you met a cute guy and you can’t help it but giggle all day just because you made eye contact. And then, I heard one of the girls talking about my lover. Curiosity flickered in my head as I asked a question. She then whispered to me from across the table, “He was the first and last man I was ever in love with. Till this day, I have yet forgotten about him.” She was in love with my man. I wonder how uncomfortable it made her feel when I was enjoying his warmth just minutes ago. Guilt hit me hard then.’

POOF! then i woke up. it was a tiring dream. made me completely distracted and exhausted in school today. pathetic but true.

perfected @ 15:43

whii.

Somebody's Rose

a day begins with your face
your photo on my phone
the morning's filled with what you've said
but i'm here alone

oh, and by the way i'm not so sure
that i still believe
this is how it has to be
to make a place for me

the time is never right now
the picture's never bright enough to see clearly
i don't know who you are
the question is
is it true you really want me
i'm lost inside my head
spinning round and back and forth until you tell me
and it's not fair to keep me waiting
hey ugly,

if it's not me you're missing
then let me know, i can take it all
'cause this pain is hurting
i can't hold on
if it's not enough to say how you're feeling
if it's her you love
don't lead me on
'cause i do know one thing
i'm gonna be somebody's rose

in the afternoon i fill my time
with too much to do
just anything to keep me from
thinking of you

oh, and how come you're with someone else
somewhere i can't be
you ask me to believe in you
but do you believe in me

the time is never right now
the picture's never bright enough to see clearly
i don't know who you are
the question is
is it true you really want me
i'm lost inside my head
spinning round and back and forth until you tell me
and it's not fair to keep me waiting
hey ugly

if it's not me you're missing
then let me know, i can take it all
'cause this pain is hurting
i can't hold on
if it's not enough to say how you're feeling
if it's her you love
don't lead me on
'cause i do know one thing
i'm gonna be somebody's rose

i'll be somebody's rose

just say how you're feeling
oh, don't lead me on
if it's her you love
don't lead me on
hey ugly

if it's not me you're missing
then let me know, i can take it all
'cause this pain is hurting
i can't hold on
if it's not enough to say how you're feeling
if it's her you love
don't lead me on
'cause i do know one thing
i'm gonna be somebody's rose.

i'll be somebody's rose

just say how you're feeling
if it's not me you're missing
somebody's rose.



perfected @ 22:59
whii.

in her arms, i found home.

earth to bloggers: ni hao



whenever i look back into my childhood, focusing on the ugly side of my parents' divorce wasn't a good way to grow up. not only that, i also forgot about another important part of my childhood life or rather, another important person.

i remember her walking me to tuition when i was probably 4 or 5? or maybe even younger. then her legs began to fail and i too stopped tuition. i was a rebel. i was told i could sit in tuition for 2 hours and do nothing.

my house in Miri was near MegaHotel. just around the corner to it. she would hold my hand and we'd walk to the Servay building and again so i've been told, she would let me sit the bumper car for hours and spend about RM10 a day. do not forget! i was 4 or 5 or probably even younger.

there was this one time, my mother and father brought me to the old Servay building to shop and i got lost. this, i was about 4 (or less) years old. it was dark and so i ran home. i remember i was scared as i was running but in my head, i just wanted to see her. as she opened the door; in her arms, i found home. my mother spanked me for running away. i don't blame her, she was probably worried sick and that too was the first time i saw my mother cried.

again as so i was told, when i was a baby, small enough to be my in her arms, we were carjacked. i was in the backseat with her, my mom driving and my great grandmother in front. she was the person who held me tight and didn't let me go. so without her, i probably wouldn't be here, writing this here and now.

this wonderwoman, superwoman and inspiration is my grandmother. the mother to my mother. she is too, the reason why i'm a pampered child. she had always been there for me. always strong. always asking if i'm hungry or tired and is the person that celebrates my ever win, big or small.

all my life, i can honestly only remember her laughing, smiling, crying or mad. never in my life have i ever imagined a world without her; her sick, her weak or her dead. just last week, i got a big wake up call from god. not everyone lives forever and if you don't treasure them while they're around, you'll live with that regret for the rest of your life.

there was a point in time last week, i was so certain i was going to lose her. thinking about it, only made me cry like a sore loser. so then i decided, i was going to suck it in and go to the hospital and see her. on the way there, my mom was trying to keep every conversation light and allowed the space to cry once in a while. getting down the car was the hardest part. walking to her room was even harder. i promised myself to cry it all out in the car so that she wouldn't see me like this and lose the motivation to get better. just as i saw her lying on the hospital bed pass the curtains, all the hard work was all wasted. i held her hands and cried like a baby.

i wished, so bad that we were alone. there were so many things i wanted to say to her. things like, how life would be so meaningless without her. how she must get better for me. how she must be strong and watch me get married and have beautiful babies. i'm not asking for a lot. just a few more years. just hold on for a little longer. just for me.

as we speak, she's recovering well. i can't wait to see her again. :)


here's something random :P
if i had a boy, i'd name him Jayden Keanu _.
if i had a girl, i'd name her Keira Rosalie _.
:3
i'm not baby obssessed, just love the names :)


i love my wai po.
she's my biggest fan.
she's my life support.
she's my grandmother.
she's my home.



earth to bloggers: au revoir.

if i could turn back time, i would have never done what i did. if i could, i would apologize, Hans, for whatever i did and if it means anything, i would like to be your friend again.

there are a million things i can think of doing now but yet, i'm here.

earth to bloggers; hello.

after all the pain endured; after all the tears shed; after all the hardship to overcome experienced and after all the time wasted thinking about it, i've finally realized or discovered the source of my pain. expressing it, makes this rock of pain feel like a pebble :)

i remember someone wise once told me: to overcome a problem, find the root of it. maybe the words he used were deeper. i dunno. but yeah, something similar.

being dumped has never been easy. especially when you're the one at the losing end. dumped, as in, by friends you really care about and really have put efforts into them. friends once vowed that we'd be friends forever and look what time has evolved us into.

if i could say this to you, i would say:
why did you think that way? that i'd leave everyone behind and go my own way. you know that only mattered to me. where else would i go if not with you? has it ever occured to you that i would die for you? that to me, you mattered THAT much. you were THAT MUCH a friend to me. and yet, you could abandon me with a click of your finger. have you forgotten that we made a pact? to go through it all together. i haven't forgotten. has lust gotten the best of you? you're not the girl i once knew and cherish or the girl whom i called my best friend. i don't know you anymore, stranger. i know one thing though, i really do miss you.

it's strange how time can change a person. how a person can change another person. how those two persons can put all the assumptions together and assume you the thief. assume you the bad guy.

it has grown to an extent where there's no turning back. and it looks like, you don't miss me at all. even if i had the chance now, i wouldn't know what to do. but, it's stupid. why i'm clinging on to this so desperately. why i'm putting myself through hell when you don't give a fuck shit. and thus, from today onwards, you will mean NOTHING to me as i mean nothing to you. you will be a mere piece of shit to me as that is what you assume me to be, i suppose. call me traitor, but you left me first. you changed first. you never once gave me the opportunity to voice out to this assumptions. how do you propose that makes me feel? to be caught red handed for something you didn't do. worst of worst, you said all those bullshit about me to my boyfriend. how do you think he would have felt? was your intention to make him leave me? smartass, aren't you?

call me a bitch, i really don't fucking care.

after thinking about it for so long, i realized i did the exact same thing to a friend too. why did i do it? i was too fucking blinded. it mattered to me that i had to please you. you know who you are. and if you happen to read this; fuck you.

if i could turn back time, i would have never done what i did. if i could, i would apologize, Hans, for whatever i did and if it means anything, i would like to be your friend again. we had our moment together. i loved your jokes and the way you make me laugh. though, you were a pervert, you were a true friend. to whatever that blinded me from seeing that, i'm a shithead for forgetting what meant the most; our friendship.


to learn is to realize your mistakes. to change is to start anew by amending those mistakes. or in my case, wipe those fucking tears away and rip off the scabs.

i want to change. for the better and for a new life without you and you. a life where you're a speck of dust or a piece of rubbish i'll step around or throw it into the rubbish bin.


earth to bloggers; goodbye.



f3

when was the last time you cried because you felt like it? not because you sprained your ankle or you injured your wrist or simply just had a bruise but rather, just cried out of the mere fact that you felt like it.

i read a good book today. a book, i'd love to share with all of you. it made me cry my eyesockets out but yet, it felt good.

it's been a while since i cried because i felt like it. it's been awhile since i was even strong enough to cry. cry not because i was betrayed, hurted, trampled over or misunderstood. cry because it was time to cry. cry because i wanted to. cry because i needed to shed that wall i've been trying ever so shakily to support. cry because i knew it would do me good.

i'm keeping this post short. hiatus was fun but spiritually draining at the same time. i guess blogging was a drug to release everyday stress and when you cut my source, it becomes so tiring and so reluctant to face every day. sometimes, i pray for a good day. sometimes, all i pray for is a day without pain. sometimes, all i want is to genuinely smile. sometimes, i don't get any of it at all.

i have a feeling, i'll be sleeping good tonight. welcome back, whitney.

love xoxo.

i've been predicting the coming of this day for a while now. never would i have imagined that it would have brought me so much joy and motivation.

i knew i was lost. in my deepest despair, there appeared superman and wondergirl; my besties now and forever.


Dear Bloggers;

i'm in a more jolly mood today, i am ONE day away from meeting my all-time favourite badminton player aka Koo Kien Keat and thinking about it just makes me WANNA JUMP TO MY FEET and SCREAMM! wheeee~ =3
i promise, when i get shoots of him, they will be spilled all over here. lets the suspense KILL YOU! -evil grin-



really, i feel much much better today. maybe it was because i have figured out what was bothering me so much. i don't know if i'll be able to finish everything here tho. been kinda lazy and err... distracted? LAWLS. i'm not sure if i'll be able to maple for the next couple of days in KK so i'm pretty sure i'm going to miss my buds; xif, jac and dailou loong =p


i'm pretty sure i'll be out of rehabilitation soon =) do not worry! =D this is probably the first positive post in a long time. i am in a positive state of mind and body now. i am no longer in pain and no long suffering from my addiction. i knew i was lost and i let it kill me. in my deepest despair, there appeared superman and wondergirl; my besties now and forever; xif and jac.

i know they'll always be there for me. with or without maple. they've stuck out there for me, these couple of weeks through thick and thin. i treasure this friendship more than anything and they do too. i love you guys uh! forever and ever! f3

anyways, i guess i'll be flying soon. just here to let all my beloved readers (especially Dan, i'm pretty sure you'd be reading this) that i'm really fine. well, maybe not there yet but i'm really really trying my best to get there. i'm going to be happy this time and i'm not going to let this happiness end.

i know i'll never be abandoned and that i'll always be loved. with or without the people that i really wished understood. its s'okay =) i'm happy and content =)





whitney. FINALLY happily signing out. =D