dear dad,
it's been about a year since i saw you. there are 365 days in a year. of all these days, there wasn't 1 empty day where had gone by where i don't miss you. not a day pass by i don't wish that my family which belonged beside you was perfect... like every other home... like every other happy children...
in these 356 days, 17 days ago was the day that was the only day that was worth remembering. it was the only day that i had to remember or needed to force myself to remember. yet, i couldn't believe 17 days later, today, 20th october, i remembered. i had forgotten to call you, all the way from here, brunei to kuching to wish you my love. i had forgotten to wish you happy birthday...
i forgot what i was doing on the 4th of october. i think i was busy with teacher's day, if i'm not mistaken. you have no idea how ashamed i am to be your daughter now. how ashamed i am to be here writing this. how ashamed i am to know that you'd still love me so much, despite my never ending flaws.
i've never stopped missing you, daddy. how i wish you could kiss my forehead to sleep everynight like you used to. how i wish i could hold you and know that everything was going to be alright. how your laughter would make me feel so lame yet, make me laugh on the inside. how the way you push your hair back with your right hand and make me wanna follow. how you guide me and never ceased to give up on me despite all the hurt that i have caused upon you. how i wish, i could hold you now. right now. right here.
know that it killed me when i remembered that i had forgotten your birthday. how i wished i could have killed myself there and then and be done with it. how hard i am crying now, thinking that you must have been up all night waiting for my call even though in your tone, you said you'd forgotten. how i wish you would have been hard on me and blame me for not calling than say you've forgotten about it yourself. how painful it is now for me. the tears, i can't stop them. the pain, no one can heal them.
know this, dad. i have always been, is now, and always will be your little girl, no matter how old i grow, how tall i am and however big size i become.
also, how i wished you'd been able to read english or know that i have this blog. words, i don't know how to express(i guess i inherited that from mum).
i love you, daddy. always and forever.
happy belated birthday.
whitney. signing out.
i've been awaiting this day for a few days now. i've always thought the layout of my blog was very boring and thus, it took me days to find the perfect header picture and confirm the whole idea in my head and TAA-DAA! new layout~ love it to the core.
the picture was edit-ed by a good friend of mine. what i wanted was totally different but what he/she gave me was extremely over my expectations! i love it! i LOVE it! thanks, buddy :P
i've been a big fan of maroon recently so i decided to make my blog brown/maroon. that's why it was difficult to find the perfect picture to match with the theme i had in mind. but i found it nevertheless! hurray me!
hope this change of the layout may allow dear bloggers who are currently reading my posts to have a clearer or closer feel to me =) i've also enlargen-ed the text for the blind~ hahaha! :P
nothing much tho. have been quite happy recently so nothing much to be emotional about. life is a drama~ but quite boring for me recently =,=
whitney.
life is a hackin' drama.
signing out.
i've been looking through my blog. from the first post to the very last. i love reading it over and over and over again sometimes. it reminds me of how every little things, both ups and downs, have changed me to be the person i am today. every little thing matter. there's no 2nd chance in life. despite the downfalls, i don't regret ever going through them because they only make me more prepared for the future and more ready to embrace failure. <-- sometimes when my emotions take over my consious; yes, those few sentences before are bullcrap.
as of now, i'm fine, actually i'm more than fine. i feel good, light and most importantly, free. i feel free because i have god by my side. someone once told me that god is actually "kiasu". in the terms that he would not let anything bad happen to me and that he will always be there to protect me and win satan. i believe it. every word of it.
lets just say the confirmation kk trip changed me. more that i thought it ever would. i now have learnt to stay close to god. to think about him more than i used to daily. to know that he's the one i'm going to turn to when i need help. when i feel lost and when i can't find anyone to depend on, not even my closest friends, i know i'll have him there and i know he'd always be there waiting. i've learnt to love him more than i thought i ever would. that, my dear friends, is an immaculate feeling. i will never forget the things ive seen, heard and learnt from the kk trip. it will follow me to my grave and be by my side in every aspect of my life as of now.
ENOUGH OF THE SERIOUS TALK!
i suddenly realized, i've never introduced my best companion since a few months ago here! man, i feel so bad... but better late than never, i suppose =)
i was shopping one day and i saw this wall of plushies. to be honest, my whole life, i've never exactly loved or treasured a plushie. a friend of mine suddenly moved me and thus, i found myself looking for a companion. craving for a little plushie to rock me to sleep. my eyes began searching the whole wall. then, i saw this little pink bum bum sticking out from the pile of unsorted plushies below. i pulled it out, call it love at first sight, but yes, i fell in love with him. this hot pink hippo. it didn't look like a girl to me though, or maybe it was because i was never interested in girls? hey! i'm a girl, female! WOMAN! wouldn't it be weird if i were looking for girls? -chills- but yesh, i thought it looked like a male so as i looked into "his" eyes. i instantly decided to name "him" Matthew. not a lot of people know his existance but here i am, introducing him to the world as my other best friend, my best friend at home. 
this was taken the day i bought him. apparently matthew's birthday is also the birthday of my other friend =) i still cant believe the first time i've set eyes on this HOT PINK hippo. i hate hot pink, btw. only sue likes it -gaze-.jpg)
this was matthew doing my commerce arithmatic. thru my hardest homework days, he stuck it all out for me. =P.jpg)
and this is me "vaining" with my baby. the one and only that i'd hug to sleep. =D
p.s: i was also trying to show off my mini tiger tooth :P
more pictures to be uploaded soon, i guess. sorry it took so long to complete this blog :P paiseh :P
whitney. signing out.
