should i put up the chat box thing again? i seem to have quite a decent number of following :) i'm really considering if i should :/ it's nice to get some feedback once in a while from you guys. leave comments on if you think i should or if you would drop a couple of words if i put the chat box thing up again. can't wait to hear your responses :D
comment, kay kay kay?
how you heartlessly ripped my heart out and threw all my love for you into the deep blue sea.
sometimes i feel so hollow and empty.
like all that's left inside is a big black hole that sucks in everything else.
a big black pit of darkness where nothing exists and nothing is real.
i promised myself that i would never let myself go there again.
yet again and again, i fall back into your trap.
trusting you again and again with my heart when i never should have in the first place.
i've been broken beyond repair and that's a fact i wish i could change but i can't.
it's ironic how i thought going through a break up was bad.
how that break up was only like licking salt compared to what i'm going through now.
nothing will ever make me forget this pain and the complications that come with it.
the inability to trust, love and sympathize again.
half the time, well most of the time, i think i'm crazy.
stalking around because i know no other ways to protect you.
i wish i could explain to you the level of pain i'm going through.
and how i wish i could make myself trust you again like you think i could.
i keep telling myself i have a goal in life, i have a goal in life, i have a goal in life.
but i honestly don't see it.
i don't see my purpose in life. i don't know why i'm here.
i can't see myself 10 years from now. i can't see myself 1 year from now. i can't see myself tomorrow.
my heart has been asleep for so long. i didn't know reawakening it would hurt so bad.
why did i have to keep stabbing my heart? why do i keep putting myself through this misery?
i hope i don't ever get the answer.
i don't plan to live long enough to ever find it.
泪湿的枕头晒干就好
眼泪在你的心里只是无理取闹
以为在你身后是我一辈子的骄傲
眼泪在你的心里只是无理取闹
以为在你身后是我一辈子的骄傲
just great. i have officially tortured myself to the point of exhaustion. just great, whitney. at the rate you're going, you won't have the chance to sit for your oh-so-important final term examinations.
i am sick. fever, barf, phlegm, headache - you name it. kill me now, thanks.
p/s the song above makes me heart sting. enough to numb me of whatever.
p/p/s i thank God for me still letting me live everyday.
you hurt me bad but i won't shed a tear.
i'm leaving you for the last time, baby.
you think you're loving but you don't love me.
i don't exactly have a reason to be here. more procrastinating, i suppose. i'm just more content with my blog layout than i've ever been after so many years of blogging -smile-
as always, i thank the Lord for this beautiful day and that He may pray for me and give me guidance through the Holy Spirit when i sit for my test later. thank you, God!
i guess a little part of me is sad...
sad that the spark we once had is gone forever...
is it really that hard to move on? for you at least?
i threw a wonderful friendship and companionship out the window.
great.
what's next?
i pray to you, Lord, that you may watch over my friend. for what this friend is currently doing and for what this friend will do in the future. pray for us that our friendship may actually have a chance of surviving and that you watch over me as i have faith in you, Lord, and that i do not give up. God is good, all the time. Amen.
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
i should stop dwelling in the past. it doesn't help with anything. it's time to move forward and become the person (i think) i'm destined to be...
i'm going to be spicing this blog up a bit. hopefully, i will be able to start every blog post with a song from now on.
exams are here which makes me procrastinate more than i usually do. i know it's bad but studying just really isn't my thing. i don't suck at school, i don't get grades which are too bad either. i'm just very average at it - which makes me bored.
life is treating me a little sweeter now that i can drive. it also makes me more responsible (i feel), especially when i have to start driving people around.
i guess the main point of this post is that, i need to learn to lift it up to the Lord. whatever good or bad. i need to learn to stop holding on to everything so tightly and let everything run its natural course. same principles applied to me, my life and everything that goes on in it.
instead of dwelling in my past; i shall dwell in you, Lord.
it's been a while since i've been here. i don't know what has changed or what hasn't. mostly, i've been pretty ignorant about my surroundings. i've also done loads of travelling in between so i've definitely gain weight. lol.
i've also done something i thought i'd never do. a hint? my back is really itchy right now...
i promise to be more active. i'm pretty surprise... i actually have people prompting me to update my blog. my life is honestly not that interesting :)
like i said, i've been pretty ignorant recently. mostly, it's because i wish time would pass by faster. now that the moment i've been waiting for is almost here, i'm so excited that i feel like jumping up and down everytime i think about it.
this tuesday! please do pray for me :)
i need to remember to just breathe. i keep telling myself that i need to be more stronger. i need to be more relaxed and calm to make it through. with the blessings of everyone who matter, i'm sure i'll make it. i have to make it!
pray for me :)
p.s: i promise to drop by more often.
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