it's that simple.
who doesn't, right?
i've always felt something was missing from my blog. the quietness of it bothered me, somehow. hence, i've added a song (:
great song. maybe some of you might disagree but ah wells, it's not gonna kill me.
i won't deny i've got a weird taste for songs. not all the songs i like, my friends like or vise versa. i'm just sort of over the EMO, SLIT, EMO, CRY, EMO, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS stage of teenagehood, i suppose. i still like slow sentimental songs but nowadays, i prefer dance songs like these or alternative rock. (PLEASE! no HSM3 or Camp Rock. -shudders-)
whenever i listen to this song, it makes me want to jump into the rain and just dance. toss and turn your head and just groove to the song with puddles under your feet splashing all over. mind you, in my imagination, i'm doing it alone (: i don't know if it gives you, my dear readers, the same feeling or not but for those of you who haven't heard this song, i hope it does (:
anyways, in my upcoming post, i will be introducing a woman i am obssessed with. omg? a woman? say what? :O {will update on this woman when all the other drama in my life is over}
stay tuned (:
perfected @ 0400 ( yeah people, friggin 4am! )
whi.
oh yeah. here's a super recent picture of me as requested by leo (:
HAHA! this was vain-ed at last wednesday preparing for sue's bash. sis was being her hairstylist-self and blew my hair for me. loved it. thanks sis! (:
i don't exactly remember what provoked me to cut my hair at the last day of last year but i did :x
won't deny i regretted much but i kept positive about it as i know my hair will grow back.
(unless you know, i get cancer and die :x)
this probably wouldn't give guys a good mental picture of how long my hair was (LOL), but it's a few inches below bra when i push my hair back. pretty long, ey?
anyways, just something random. nothing much just needed to update blog (:
perfected @ 1900
whi.
today marks the day i lost my hopes and dreams.
i ask myself if i will stand from this fall.
sadly, i'm still at an emotional state and will get back to you in maybe never.
have you ever felt like you were standing over the edge? the forces of nature has pushed you over and you're using every last energy you have left, pushing your fingers to the limits and still, trying to hold on when you know that that something no longer belongs to you. then at the very last moment, the moment where you feel you can finally do it and lift yourself up, you see the faces of devils and satans laughing at you; mocking you. at that point in time you feel like you've lost everything and instead of holding on, you let yourself plunge into the bottom of the ocean; never to resurface again.
it has never failed to surprise me that after living through pain after pain; that feeling never grows old. it still stabs you right when you least expected and stabs you until you feel like you can't breathe. tears overconsume every sane cell you have left in stored and you just wish that a car would run over you and hopefully end this misery. you forget about everything other than the pain. you forget about the people in this world who at all, still love you and you forget about everything that mattered at all to you and you forget the reason you take every breath; the reason you take every step forward and you forget the true meaning of your existance in this cruel, unfair, fucked-up world.
it has never failed to surprise me that the amount of tears hasn't been any less and after living through pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain after pain, it still hurts like the first time it did. you start questioning if there were any qualities in your that is worth treasuring. you start wondering if the people who loved you were as much fakers and backstabbers as the people who hurt you. you start building a wall that seperates you from the outside world so that no one can ever enter your zone and hurt you ever again. you start avoiding the people who did this to you and cut ties with anything to do with the reason why you are hurt. you start thinking the world is falling down upon you and then you decide, this is the end of you.
i know in years to come when i look back at this post, i would have forgotten the reason why i wrote this, the incident that happened and the people who did this to me. i want to forget and yet i want to remember. conclusion: i want to avoid.
today marks the first time i am actually crying my eyeballs out as i am blogging.
i ask myself if this will ever happen again.
sadly, i'm still at an emotional state and will get back to you in maybe never.
