i can't believe i am here again but i am. lol. i am at work! work seems to be awesome today somehow. maybe it was the 3 in 1 coffee i took this morning. THANK YOU COFFEE!
anyways, i'm in the hotel restaurant on the public computer and am just killing time at hand. usually during lunch, i take advantage of the free awesome wifi and download songs. it's has become a routine, i suppose. anyways! i'm just bored out of my mind and killing time!
it seems amazing that whenever i do this, i feel so inspired - especially now when i am clueless to everything that is happening in my surrounding due to the fact that i have music blasting in my ears. i feel super relaxed to the mesmerizing voice of chris brown -hearts-
i know he hit rihanna. i also know that is unforgivable. but, it doesn't stop me from feeling bad for him. when you grow up being in an abusive family, it wouldn't be surprised if you turned out to be an abuser yourself. like me, i grew up with hate and in fear that maybe one day when i get married, i might get divorced and my children will end up like me. i guess, that's the only thing that is stopping me from finding a new love. despite that, my heart is also empty. i guess, i don't have to keep elaborating why that is so.
it just struck me; exactly 4 months ago, i had already sealed my heart away for good.
anyways, i have chris brown's new song, i suppose, blasting in my ear. i haven't managed to read the lyrics with the song but it seems pretty good.
today is a sad day for me. time seems to pass so fast but still, my heart hasn't healed one inch. it still hurts to think about it. it still hard for me to go to bed alone at night. the pain hasn't grown to become any nicer to me, but i do feel like maybe, just maybe, i have grown somewhat strong enough to bear it.
with that said, i weakly let myself be the loser i am and cry for a good 8 minutes to the song Note to God - Charice.
i can't believe i am doing this but i am actually blogging from work. haha. yes, can you believe it in the first place? whitney the then yi han is actually at work! ah, like i've said it once and i'm happy to say it again, I WORK HARD FOR MY MONEY! lol.
singapore was awesome! so sorry i wasn't able to upload anything on it. i was offered a job the day i got back and so, i've been super busy ever since. i think working is way better than having to be at home all day. though, i can't chiong maple much and that's gotta be the only crappy part.
i have no idea why i am doing this at the moment. it's not like i have something special to say or what. i'm just here to inform you that i am not dead. hehe.
have you ever felt whole? the feeling where you know you feel complete. i've felt that once in my life - months ago. once you have felt that way, it is no good be by yourself.
anyways, i'm really not up for emo-ing at the moment. i'd just like to get my mind off everything and focus on work. after that, hell knows what's going to happen.
a biggggg shoutout to mr. pillowtalk! i miss you and your pedo-ness. my voice still very blur so The Reader is currently out of business. and the only reason why i haven't been on msn is because i am in the gay game you call MAPLE! so if you love me, please download it and come pei me huh. i've been so tired these days, imma need your+0.5
whitney signing out. note: i am not dead. lol.
sorry about the death scare. i thought i had breast cancer. turns out to be nothing.
thank god.
the end.
i'm back home. which is great and not great at the same time. i love being home. especially being in my room. i hate being home too. especially when my room is so small and cramped with so much crap. dang. i need a bigger room. pronto.
i tried to be a bit active on facebook today. usually nowadays, all i do on facebook is play Country Story, Sorority Life, Crazy Taxi and Crazy Planets... LOL. okay, i feel so no life right now. whatever, i plan to be less no life soon so hopefully, it'll all work out :)
a few days ago. i had an aquaintance break up with a friend of mine. i'm not sure which way was which way but yeah, they didn't make it. pity, because they looked so good together. i can't help but feel sorry for them. i want so bad to reach out to him but then again, i'm sure the last thing he needs is a reminder of what has happened and on top of it all, we're not even that close.
if i could, i'd like to tell him that he's not alone. there are plenty brokenheartians like us out there who are waiting for the right person to come along again. when something like this happen, we have to have hope that everything would one day be okay. or at least, those of us who are still hanging here are hoping for that everyday.
if she can find happiness, then i can too. if he can find happiness, then i'm sure i can too. or at least, that's what i think some people think.
there too, are other of us who prefer to carry on with life alone. nothing really moving forward, yet not really not moving at all. it's all about compromising with that broken side of you and of course, distractions.
where do i fit in? i'm not really sure yet. i guess we'll just have to wait and see. i strongly believe in the 5 stages of grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger/Resentment
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
i'm somewhere between 4 and 5. there's no more hate in me - which is awesome. i don't believe we'll be able to go back so i'm pass bargaining. i believe the stages are a cycle actually. once you've gotten 5, you come back to 1 and you start the cycle all over again. so yeah, i keep roaming around stages 4, 5 and 1. not cool. DO NOT WANT. haha.
anyhow, i'm doing my best. we all are, at this point, i'm sure. forgetting a person is never easy and so, i hope my aquaintance is doing alright. i wish you all the best - my heart goes out to you.
