je vous vois.

honestly i don't know why i'm here so bear with me.

okay well, i might as well get straight to the point.

i don't believe in love anymore.

for now.

if you know me, as in really know me, or if you're an avid follower of this blog - which i hope you're not because that would mean you have somewhat no life - you'll know that i'm a die hard fan of love. i love the idea of being in love. i love love. i want to get married, have a husband who loves me and cares for me and i want children, as many as i can have.

but yesterday, something happened. something that shook my entire perception on life as i led it. why the fuck do i give so much fuck? why should i care for assholes who don't remember my name by the end of the night? why do i become sad, cry and want to die because of bastards who do not deserve my love? W?H?Y?

it is safe to say that i am done with love. for now. i keep saying 'for now' because, i still do believe in love. i still believe that there is someone somewhere out there made especially for me. but i am not going to go looking for him anymore. he has to come find me. i am not going to go around comparing one guy to the other thinking that he might be THE ONE anymore. i am not going to go knocking on each door and asking: "hey, is the love of my life in here?" anymore. i am done holding on to invisible, unnecessary feelings that's going to get me nowhere but pain and heartache.

from this point on, whatever happens, happens. for the first time in my life, i am actually fine with my single status. and for the first time, i think it's best that it remains this way. i need to learn to love myself before i can allow anyone to love me.

today has been tiring and yet somewhat interesting. it would have made my day yesterday but today, it just couldn't touch me. i have proven to myself that i am really done with love for the time being. hopefully, i can keep this up.

there are better things to do in life than to worry if he loves you back or not when you clearly know he doesn't. i've hard to learn that the hard way and i'm glad it's all over and done with. on the other hand, it doesn't mean i'll stop listening to sad or sappy songs though. let it be made clear that my taste in music has now no relevance to my love life at all. BELIEVE ME.

okay, i'm seriously running out of things to say.

whatever it is, fuck love. i have already erased marriage and kids from my brain's hard disk and i don't intend to create a new folder on that until someone actually does come along and tell me that they'd very much like to spend the rest of their lives with me. all 9 of them.

so yeah, fuck love. leave if you really want to.

p/s. sorry for this stupid post. i'm really falling asleep and i'm actually really uninspired now that i'm not heartbroken (HAHA). forgive me! i just had to say what i could before i push the laptop aside and go to bed.