it's been a month since i've blogged and by god, it's been such a long month. but, i'm definitely glad to be alive.
what HAVE i been doing for this past month? i suppose mostly i've been hooked to torrent :X my friend, dan, finally knocked sense into me after all these years with the awesomeness of torrent and i've been downloading movies on a frenzy.
let's see, i've watched all Glee, all HIMYM, all Gossip Girl, all True Blood, all Ghost Whisperer, all the Mentalist, all TSLOTAT and loads of movies in between. sum up all the time i've used probably 2 weeks of time or more watching these shitz. well i suppose you call it my 'getaway'. trust me, there's A LOT of things in my life now that i really really wanna get away from.
today, i received some horrible news. i guess that's the main reason why i'm here.
i was told that my cousin in australia ran away from home. he's 15 this year. he's 15 and he ran away from home. his mother is bipolar and his stepfather is abusive. how does he live? how does he survive? my life is minimal shitz compared to the things he go through. and i can't help but blame myself because there were so many chances where i could have emailed him. and maybe if he had someone to talk to, it would at least still keep him a little sane. he needs his family now more than anything and yet there is no one to turn to at all. i heard that he's previously been to several foster homes. well, several would be an understatement. you go from one place to another and those places, you will never be loved and you will never be able to call home.
bipolar is a very serious mental illness. and from the bottom of my heart, i can only imagine what he goes through everyday and i can't help but feel his pain. thinking about him makes me cry. he's a good kid and has his head in the right place. but the last time i met him, it was a year ago. alot of things can happen in a year, heck, a lot of things can happen in a day.
- doug, i know you'll probably never read this but i miss you like crazy. and i love you and i want you to come home. screw your mom, come with me and i will provide you a home. we are family after all. i don't think i'll ever be able to comprehend why you ran away. and i probably will never know the whole circumstance but if you think you're happier away then run free. i hope you are safe wherever you are. you're always in my prayers.
i suppose this post is going to sound very sucky now with loads of english error because in front of me i have mum, sis and bro fooling around to waka waka.
no matter how horrible problems are at home for me, i don't think it will be as bad as having an abusive stepfather and a mother who can't love you because she's too crazy half the time.
it makes me feel relieved and painful at the same time. relieved that no matter how horrible i thought my family problems were, we're still a family and we're still together. and i feel painful because instead of it happening it to me, it's happening to another person i hold dearly by heart.
- doug, i love you. be safe.
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