je vous vois.

there are two things in this world i find therapeutic:

1. driving long distance.

2. blogging.

sometimes when i feel like no one out there will actually truly give a crap about me, i turn to you my most beloved blog. but i guess other times, i just don't know how to tell people. i guess i've just always been better at writing. when it comes to writing, i know i don't leave anything out. i can read and reread and make sure everything i want to say is all there. i guess that's why i love blogging so much. the tap tap tap of the keyboard is soothing for me in some sense. spacebar tap tap. backspace bar tap tap. abcdefg tap tap tap tap tap. i can assure you that i am not attention seeking nor am i asking for your sympathy. it's just the way i feel.

i also enjoy long distance driving. trust me, when you live in brunei especially in kuala belait, the longest distance you'll go on a daily basis is probably a 20 minute drive to seria. i've recently started driving long distance and i cannot begin to explain to you how amazing it feels. sure, you have lots of people complaining how much a hassle it is or how tiring it is but for me, it's really like SHABUYA awesome. sure, right now my ass hurts like crap and i'm really really sleepy but i won't be able to describe the sensation of reflection that happened in that one hour over car ride. on top of it all, it was at night. even better, for me anyways.

as you can see, my title, it rhymes. it doesn't mean much actually but it serves it's purpose - day two without you. i won't say i'm depressed that you didn't reply me. i won't say i'm angry. if you're reading this now, it means you probably read the previous one too and that might have ticked you off. i will say that i am sad because all i ever wanted to do today was just hold your hand while watching Thor. my head couldn't function properly. it couldn't think about anything else but my hand in yours and you shielding me from the scarier parts of the movie. if you don't ever come back here and read this or you've never read this before and still didn't reply me, i guess it's for the better that i let you go.

what i forgot to mention in my previous post was you didn't do inappropriate things to me. despite saying you would, you didn't and god knows i think that's hot. you have to understand that i've been said those things to before and that i was on the verge of being touched and that scary feeling, i will never be able to forget. if you ask me, i'll deny it but the moment when i realized you were the proper gentleman you were, my heart lit up like fire in rain.

i want to love you passionately, if you'll have me. i want to love you with everything i have in me, if you'll have me. i want to be everything you want me to be and more, if you'll have me.

i guess sometimes for a girl to admit that, it's just impossible. i'm not desperate. i won't push myself towards you if the feeling is not mutual. but for me, honesty will always be the best policy and i won't lie about the way i feel.

call it puppy love, call it infatuation, call it whatever you want. i know my heart and my heart longs for you.

but at the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if you let my physical appearance come in our way. i'm fat, ugly and there are all these other girls around me who are so much more beautiful and possibly, 'worthy' of you. if you let that get in our way, i will not be able to explain how broken-hearted i'll be but hey, i wish you well.

with this post, if you'll have me, i promise to love you despite our differences. i promise to cherish you through it all. i promise to be by your side when no one else is. come what may, i promise i'll be there holding your hands.