it's about 12.53am now and i don't intend to sleep tonight. firstly, i gotta find mooncake pictures for fe, secondly, i gotta find a new friendster background for my friendster profile. third, i need a place to emo out my unhappy feelings.
hmm. i'm still missing fishie. maybe it's just me, but its really rare for me to find TRUE friends that actually stick around. i thought i found one after Ape left but that one had to go somehow too... and now, fishie is leaving too... well technically he's already left... ='(
wow. its 2.46am now. in between that, i was looking for pictures and chatting with fishie. apparently, i was upset becoz of NOTHING. i feel so pathetic and ashamed of feeling the way i did for the whole evening and night. how could i have thought of fishie that way? hmm... i guess it's because it has happened to me too many times and thus, insecurities is inevitable. anyways, fishie and i are back on track! yay! i missed him as a friend so much today. and i know jas did too. we all miss u, fishie. and by the time you read this, plz dun be too bangga! and dun gila cucuk! hahahaha.
like i said above, true friends are hard to find. when you find them, grasp them tight and hold on as long as you can. don't let go because of stupid little things. don't let go because of insecurities.
with that, i feel like a hiporcrit about my previous close friend but sadly, there's no turning back to that one. not to back to where we stopped, at least. there are plenty more fishes in the sea, "they" say. i believe so too. with this, i believe i will find more true friends in the future. friends who are not afraid to depend on you when they're weak and are not afraid to be depended on when you're weak. that's the kind of friend i'm looking for. everything works both ways, i believe. friendships does too. it's what keep a friendship stronger, healthier, better.
that's what me and fe and sue have gone through and are proud of having gone through so many things. ups and downs. all are needed in a friendship but when you fall, you gotta know to get up. you gotta know how to clear up the mess. i think fe and sue have done a really great job keeping this friendship well. we made it through no matter what was being thrown at us. looking back, despite the tears, i'm so proud of what the 3 of us have become today. it's amazing, guys. indescribably amazing.
this is something i got from sue's friendster profile:
hmmm... love laughing over funny n stupid things.... love lazing around... get attached to people very fast... n tend to miss people easily as well....loove doing naughty stuff with my cousins(my 'criminal' partners, haaha)....dun worry i m also sumone whom anyone can talk to seriously....
haha... in more ways than other, we're alike. but it seems, i get attached to people quicker than she does and i miss the people i get attached to ever more easily. don't worry. i am someone you can talk to seriously too... so serious, that i hope my advice to the friends i advice to, make sense.
with her, she gets really attached to anyone really quickly. as for me, it takes time and when i do, there's no stopping me from holding back the things i wanna contribute to this person. thats something i love and hate about myself but oh well... thats just me...
here's something i got from a friend's nic and pm:
how do i say goodbye to someone i never really had? why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine?
why is it i miss someone i was never really with?and why do i love someone whose love was never really mine?
emo isn't it? to me, it's deep and meaningful. i love everything about it. i mean those 4 sentences... as of now, i'm single and happy. but i guess when i do havta go through the rollercoaster ride of falling in love, i'd look back at these 4 sentences and start crying again.
btw, i cry in the showers most of the time. something i think i have to confess.
hais. haven't found myself a pet name though. that sucks. oh well, i didn't really feel this post but since i began, i had to end it properly. nights all. i don't think i'll be sleeping anyways. -3.03am-
whitney. signing out.
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