je vous vois.

i can tell you that i'm honestly not too big of a fan of taylor swift. maybe it's because i can't seem to judge her without judging with what i hear about her. her changing boyfriends like she changes clothes, writing about them as if she's ALWAYS the victim, and so on and so forth, you get the flow.

but then again, i really love her. sure, i'm a little too old for her. sometimes, the tunes she sing are really for the teenagers like bop bop bop, bop to the top! but the again sometimes, her songs are so real, so raw, so relate-able.

so this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you

saying i'm sorry for that night

and i'd go back to december all the time

turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

wishing i'd realize what i had when you were mine

and i'd go back to december turn around and make it alright

and i go back to december all the time

if you ask me again when you actually see this, i'll deny it but i wish i had bloody "man-ed up" and kissed you when i had the chance. there are a lot of things, due to my coward-ness, i end up not doing. but with you, the pain of regret probably hits me the hardest. i wish i had held your hands when i had the chance. i remember holding you by the arm but god, why couldn't i just have held your hands instead. i wish i had looked into your eyes longer when i had the chance. i wish i could have made you smile or laugh a little more. i wish i could go back to december now and do all those things to you. i wish, i wish, i wish.

but then, just as i daydream about these impossibilities, i remember that you're a jerk and that your heart is made of stone. i've said it before and i'll say it once again that i think someone, some time ago has hurt you real bad. tore your heart apart and shredded it like a piece of paper. that is why you hide inside your shell. that is why you don't see me the way i see you. i keep telling myself that you might change, for me at least. but then again and again, you break my heart and it aches me so bad that i really want to just watch sad movies and read sad books all day and cry. i'm sad to see that i can't be the girl to change you. i'm sad to see you go.

we would have been great together. and though i've already given you shit, a part of me is still holding on to the impossible. i believe in time and God. they both will help me heal from you. you and your heart of stone. you and your power to break me with your words.