je vous vois.

i watched the way he looked at her. strike that, look is such an understatement. the way he STARED at her - full of regret. i'll bet all the money i have that he was thinking of all the things that would have been if he had never done what he did a year ago.

i wonder how he felt - watching her shine the way she did. it wasn't hard to tell, too, that she was more animated than she needed to be in front of him. did he see pass that? did he see pass all that pretense and see that she was actually shouting for him to be standing by her side?

i believe everybody makes mistakes. what's important is, we have to learn from our mistakes and as much as possible, never offend them again. but once you have made a mistake, the species of the human may forgive but for sure, they will never forget. would it be right for us to give him the green light if he asked for one? should we trust ourselves to forgive him, give him another shot at happiness with her and guarantee that it will work this time? we can't guarantee, so does that mean we should rule out ever giving him another chance if he had come begging for one? for the sake of her lonely heart? for the sake of their child?

no denial here that in every separation, the children are the victim. i know that because i was and still am a victim. the child will grow up and not have either one parent around when the other is. the parent that isn't able to be around most of the time will try his/her best to shower the child with gifts and such to make up for not being around. sure, it'll make the child happy but did you know, sometimes, just sometimes, all a child ever wants is a happy family.

so back to what i was talking about on top. should we? should we allow him back into her life and possibly watch him leave again and watch her cry because of the decision we have made. no doubt, i could taste it in the air that he felt ashamed to be around us just now. if the female's father wasn't such a calm man, i could actually see him spitting at him for the things that he had done to her. all the pain he had caused her. all the tears she had cried for him. all those time wasted when she could have been actually happy.

but he is only human. we are all only humans. we can never predict the future, we can only plan and avoid. does that mean we should condemn him to a life eternally forbidden to love her? by condemning him, we are also condemning the child from the chance of having a family that is whole.

we'll never learn to treasure what we have until we lose it.
i wonder if he had learnt that lesson and learnt it hard when he saw her today.
i wonder if my father had learnt it as well when he saw my mother.
but no matter what i wonder, it will never change anything.
who was i to even DREAM about an actually happy ending.
might as well tell myself to fuck off because a happy ending is like watching the sun rise from the west.
so,
fuck off, whitney.
continue to dream as you like but you know better than anyone, a happy ending will never happen for you.
period.