i've always asked for death. seems suicidal and stupid but yes, i have constantly asked to be met face to face with death. yet, i never got it.
what i didn't know was, it was trying to catch me off guard. catch me when i feel like i wanted to live. i want to live. i don't want to die.
if i don't come home to you, if i don't make it - know that you still have my heart. keep it safe for me while i'm gone.
know that i love you and i never wanted to be parted from you. ever.
know that i was never mad at you and i forgave you for whatever you did in a heartbeat.
know that i'm sorry. for whatever i did wrong. for whatever that happened between us. for not being strong enough. for not being good enough. for not being enough as a whole for you.
know that it killed me when you left. and just as i thought i died from being apart from you, it may actually happen now. and i might not ever get the chance to see you and touch your face.
a part of me hopes you'll never come here again. i don't want you to see me like this. i'm not asking anything in return. i just... don't want to leave with regrets and leave words unspoken.
if i don't make it home to you, forget me - the way you're handling so well now.
if i don't come back, know that no matter where i'll be, i'll be watching over you; protecting you - the way i always wanted to.
i love you.
goodbye, kk.
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